Unfortunately, my story is not very unusual. No explicit sensational descriptions distinguish my experiences of sexual abuse as more or less than someone else’s. I am a survivor, perhaps like you. It is a tragic reality. But I have come to understand this: I am more than the abuse. It has scarred me, but I am more. I despise what I had to work though to come to that conclusion, but I am glad I know it.
The sexual abuse I experienced as a child launched me on a journey - a quest to move beyond what was done to me. The surprising destination was a life altering encounter with God… surprising because I wanted nothing to do with him. My abuser used God in order to use me. In my confusion, I held God responsible for my abuse. I despised church. I despised people. I despised God. In many ways, my spirit was as damaged as the rest of me. I became dark and overwhelmed - so much so that I thought suicide was the only way to find relief.
But God placed an obstacle in my way and interrupted my plans for self destruction. As if a curtain was drawn back to expose the lies I believed, I began to separate the acts of an abuser from the acts of God. I found a place of understanding. I found a Savior who, like me, carried shame that was not his own. I found an Activist and and Advocate willing to march through darkness to show me light. Ultimately, I found freedom. In turn, that quest led to the development of Committed to Freedom Ministries for survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
