The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.

-Ernest Hemingway

Journaling is a time-honored abuse recovery tool. The reason journaling is so effective is that it requires you to move memories, circumstances, ideas, and emotions from your inner world to your outer world. When that happens, these thoughts that feel so intense and overpowering have a place to go. You have given voice to them, and at the very least, have revealed them to yourself – and perhaps others. Journaling is a very powerful part of your recovery arsenal because it helps you to find your voice.

But for most of us, there are times when adequate words don’t exist. While that may not be an obstacle for visual artists, it is for those of us who are challenged in that area. This calls for some creative alternatives and logistical solutions.

We found that Collage Journaling – the combination of collaging with journaling – can be a dynamic way to express the unspeakable. We also found that Systematic Collage Journaling can empower you to find balance, healing, and directional control in your journey beyond abuse.

Collage Journaling Supplies

1. Get a spiral bound collage book (or spiral notebook) that is exclusively dedicated to collage
2. Gather a variety of old magazines. Libraries, medical offices, and hair salons usually have an abundance of old magazines they’re happy to get rid of
3. Supply yourself with glue sticks, small scissors, and pens

Meditative Collaging

1. Thumb through your magazine collections and see if there’s an image or phrase that catches your attention
2. Cut that out and place it on the journal page
3. Build a collage around that image and see what emerges
4. Collaging this way becomes a very meditative, centering process
5. It is common for the collage to guide you, and as you follow it, you find greater insight into your spirit, emotions, beliefs, and the journey
6. You might consider building one page at a time, and let the process direct what’s next

Systematic Collage Journaling

1. This is a much more intentional way to approach Collage Journaling
2. The process is similar to Meditative Collaging with the exception of purpose
3. On each page, write about your feelings, a memory, a relationship, a situation – whatever you choose
4. Keep it brief to fill one page
5. Once you’ve written, then select images from magazines that summarize or embellish your words
6. One variation to this is to micro-journal about large issues.
   • For example, you decide you want to delve into your issues with anger. Anger is a HUGE topic. When you micro-journal, you sort and sift through the different aspects of Anger
   • Each page will be dedicated to the refined areas you want to explore
   • One page could be Anger With Myself, another might be Anger With My Abuser, another could be Anger With God, etc.
   • You could probably fill up an entire journal book as you systematically move through the major abuse recovery issues that weigh you down

The great thing about Collage Journaling is that there are no rules, and no right or wrong way to do this. It’s yours to create and yours to define. You might also consider collaging with collected items such as pieces of a letter, a movie ticket stub, excerpts from a church bulletin or newspaper clipping, etc. Photographs are another material that you might consider Collage Journaling with. Take your camera and go on a quest to take pictures that speak to what you’re journaling about.

Collage Journaling is compact and contained. It is empowering, facilitates insight, and opens your mind and spirit to God’s guidance. One of the best aspects of Collage Journaling is that YOU are the only one who really knows the meaning of each page. Unless you explain it to another person, these are new and constructive secrets you created that can bring healing and light into the otherwise dark and wordless places in your soul.

On this day that we reflect on love, we offer this gift to you. We hope it will make your spirit soar and give you strength for the journey.

This song was written on the back of an envelope in 2004 after Chereé Haston heard the story of Sallie Culbreth’s journey beyond childhood sexual abuse. Chereé produced it and gave all rights to this song for exclusive use by Committed to Freedom. It was received as a gift from God to Chereé, she gave that gift to Committed to Freedom, and now we give it as a gift to you. Many, many thanks to Chereé Haston and David Meek for this anthem to life beyond abuse!

Happy Valentine’s Day
(Lyrics Below)

I’m Free

© 2004 Committed to Freedom

I was walking in the sunshine

But I was living in the shadows

I was laughing like a child but my innocence was gone

I was moving through the crowd with people all around me

But nobody really knew I was alone

Then from somewhere in the darkness

The voice of hope cried out

And said there’s still a chance for freedom

And I knew without a doubt

I was free

The chains that once bound no longer hold me down

I feel like I could dance

I feel like I could soar

I want to tell the world I’m not a prisoner anymore

‘Cause I’m free

I’m free

I was carrying the burden of someone else’s secret

I was underneath the load of someone else’s shame

The guilt that held me captive

Was place upon my shoulders

Still my mind would whisper you’re the one to blame

Then from somewhere in the darkness

The voice of hope cried out

And said there’s still a chance for freedom

And I knew without a doubt

I was free

The chains that once bound no longer hold me down

I feel like I could dance

I feel like I could soar

I want to tell the world I’m not a prisoner anymore

‘Cause I’m free

I’m free

I found the peace that passes all my understanding

I found the joy that nobody could ever take away

I found the love that reached deeper

And held me at my lowest

I can finally fly

I want to lift my voice and say

I’m free

The chains that once bound no longer hold me down

I feel like I could dance

I feel like I could soar

I want to tell the world I’m not a prisoner anymore

‘Cause I’m free

I’m free

Oh

I feel like I could dance

I feel like I could soar

I want to tell the world

I’m not a prisoner anymore

‘Cause I’m free

I’m free

Music and Lyrics by Chereé Haston
Arrangement by David Meek
Vocals: Chereé Haston and David Meek
Instrumental: David Meek

The first thing I need you to remember as you read this is that religion isn’t necessarily the same thing as spirituality. Religion is our effort to formalize, systematize, and organize spirituality. That isn’t good or bad, in and of itself. Religion is a vehicle and, like any vehicle, it can transport you to a wonderful destination or it can hit-and-run-maim you. It all depends on how it’s used.

When you experience abuse (or any kind of trauma), your mind, body, and spirit are impacted. One reason that many survivors get stuck is that they neglect this trinity effect of the damage.  But if your goal is to move beyond abuse, you must tend to all three.

Spirituality is a search for the SACRED. It is your quest to move toward something greater than yourself. It involves the values, beliefs, mission, and meaning that guide you on that quest. Spiritual experiences are intimately felt, extremely personal, and life changing.

Your search for the sacred is vital to abuse recovery. Abuse is a highly destructive weapon that can sever the sacred from your soul. Abuse calls into question everything that is good and profound. It shatters the whole of you into pieces that struggle to re-assemble back into one being. Abuse builds walls around the wonder of God, the beauty of creation, and the richness of connecting to meaning and purpose.

While the spiritual quest is a deeply personal experience, it is often pursued within the structure of a religion or faith community. It’s common to be so desperate for hope, for meaning, and for a life changing experience with God, that people run head long with arms flung open to a church or group that helps them to re-connect. They enter into a spiritual community that creates a common bond of faith and meaningful rituals.

What often complicates the spiritual damage for many of us is that God and religion were part of the context when abuse occurred. For me, this was truly one of my greatest obstacles because my abuser was in ministry and prayer was included in his sexual abuse ritual. That unholy alliance between abuse and religion can so hijack you, spiritually, that you remain stranded by fear and suspicion, never making a move on your quest for the sacred. Sometimes the pain associated with a particular religion or organization is so great, that people must find ways to step around these institutions while they search for re-connection with God.

In your journey beyond abuse, it is VITAL to have your spirit tended to, so that it can be knit back into your whole being. This helps you to find meaning again in the quest to positively experience God. It is a deeply personal challenge that is intimately experienced. Whether you’re a pastor or a pill-popper, a holy roller or a holy terror, a joyful believer or a jaded seeker, your spirit needs healing or your journey will be hindered.

Here are a few ways that you can care for your spirit in your abuse recovery:

1. Carve out sacred moments throughout your day to express gratefulness. This doesn’t have to be a formal thing – although it certainly can be if that’s what you need. What is vital is that you practice looking up and looking around for the positives – for the blessings that are yours. Acknowledge them and express gratitude to God as the source of your blessings.
2. Claim a physical place that feels holy to you and frequent that place as a point of spiritual contact with God. For some people, that place is church. For others, it’s a scenic overlook or a beach or a porch swing or an art museum. The point is to firmly establish your spiritual “go-to” place, knowing that you have purposed it to be where you and God rendezvous.
3. Communicate with God. This is NOT a one-sided quest on your part, by the way. God has an equally deep hunger to connect with you. Don’t make it complicated, either. God isn’t stupid. Abundant words or flowery formulas are nice, but God’s okay with simplicity.
4. Nurture meditative peace that is uniquely yours. What is peace-evoking for one person, may be fingernails-on-a-chalk board to others. Some people find Vivaldi  or The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir to be soothing, while others find Bob Marley or Jay Z or Janis Joplin works for them. Some people find that solitude and quiet are very meditative, while others are centered by riding on a subway  at rush hour. The point is to proactively nurture peace in whatever way works for you.
5. Participate in faith rituals that re-affirm your quest. Worship services, Communion or the Eucharist, and participation in Scripture study or prayer groups go a long way in helping you to maintain a healthier spiritual life.

As with the psychological and physical aspects of abuse recovery, you must be proactive in reclaiming your spiritual identity. Knowing that your spirit needs attention, just as much as the rest of you, goes a long, long way in helping you on your journey beyond abuse.

What saves a person is to take a step. Then another step.

-C.S. Lewis

The focus during the retreat is not on the abuse experience itself. You will not sit around and talk about what happened to you. Instead, we help you connect the dots between what happened in the past and the challenges you face in the present. Then, we help you put together a strategy to take ownership of your choices and empowerment in your life. You will be given Spiritual tools to help you move beyond the damage left by abuse.

The cost is $500.00, although there are discounts for early registrations. If you plan to attend with a partner, there are discounts as well. Visit the registration page for details.
Start Date: 2012-11-09
Start Time: 01:00
End Date: 2012-11-11
End Time: 03:00

You know that awful feeling when you’ve had a doozy of a nightmare and you bolt awake? You know that terrifying experience of not really knowing where you are or who you’re with? You know the way that those dreams can stay with you for days, leaving you wounded or haunted?

There’s not much most of us can do about our dream life – except maybe avoid late night pizza or a horror movie. What we CAN do is strategically plan ahead so that we recalibrate to reality in real-time as quickly as possible.

Here are a few suggestions to help you to be prepared for those unanticipated dreams of terror:

1. Keep items next to your bed that you can find, feel, and recognize in the dark, such as a cross, an angel, a stuffed animal, or anything else that’s three dimensional. This will bring your mind and body back to an awareness of where you are.
2. Keep a flashlight or nightlight nearby to help you find your way to a lighted space. Being able to see in the dark is a powerful aid in helping terrors to subside quicker.
3. In an easily accessible place, have Scriptures, inspirational sayings, and sacred, encouraging, or grounding passages from books or writings that are meaningful to you.
4. Write out details of the dream that you can remember. Often, just recalling the dream is empowering. It can also help you to perhaps see what the theme of your dream is. Is this a re-enactment of an actual experience? Is it a composition of people, places, and events that are real? Is there a theme that you recognize, such as being pursued, being alone, or being naked? Sometimes writing about the dream can make you feel more in control. It can also move whatever’s simmering in your subconscious to your consciousness so that you can process it more accurately.
5. Have a prayer ritual. Some people find it very reassuring and calming to say a recited prayer, such as The Lord’s Prayer. This act of returning to familiar routines can ground and strengthen you. Being in the practice of prayer during times of fear and distress goes a long way to help you recover more quickly from nightmares.
6. Rehearse a phrase that you can repeat again and again to remind you of truth. Something like, “It was a dream” or “It was a dream about the past, but I am no longer there.” Rehearsed phrases will help to refocus on what is in reality and not in dream land.
7. Tell someone you had a nightmare. Just like writing about your dream, just saying, “I had a really bad dream” moves the terror outside of yourself. You don’t necessarily need to share WHAT you dreamed, but just that your nightmare was deeply disturbing. That simple act can help you to feel less alone with the monstrous images and events that have filled your sleep vision.

People interpret dreams in many different ways. Some people believe there are meanings to dreams – be they good or bad. Others believe it was something you ate. You may read great significance in your dreams or even feel as if they’re a mystical message about the past, present, or future.

The psychological explanation for dreams and nightmares is that your brain is sorting information, experiences, and emotions, then filing them in the right spaces. The theory is that nightmares are bits of emotional and experiential data that stubbornly refuse to be filed away in a manageable way. That’s why so many abuse survivors have recurring nightmares.

No matter how you view dreams, these practical strategies can get you through the hours and days that follow, and hopefully give you a sense of spiritual and emotional empowerment. Pay attention to what they tell you or don’t tell you about your journey beyond abuse, and strategically plan to reclaim the spaces where dreams are made.

Pleasant dreams!

There’s nothing quite as dangerous in abuse recovery as being pressured by well-intentioned people to re-enter a relationship with your abusers or with others who were complacent when your abuse occurred. This becomes REALLY confusing and toxic when the lines are blurred between your responsibilities as a person of faith and your responsibilities to reclaim your life. I could write many things about clueless people who put such pressure on you, but that’s not my focus here. What I want you to focus on is how to maintain boundaries with toxic and often dangerous people that are healthy for you and contribute to your journey beyond abuse.

“BOUNDARIES” is the pivotal concept here. Jesus was very clear about boundaries in Matthew 7:6, when he said, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”

Basically, Jesus taught that when you give toxic people something precious – such as your heart, your thoughts, your talents, etc. – two things will happen. (1) What you willingly hand over to them will be destroyed, and (2) they will continue to tear you apart. Yep . . . he was talking BOUNDARIES.  There is another incidence in John 2:24 where it reads, “Jesus would not entrust himself to them.” Again, he was modeling BOUNDARIES.

In many ways, you may need to re-program how you think about relationships you have with toxic people, because being a person of faith is not synonymous with being a doormat. Being a person of forgiveness is not the same as being a person of delusion. Being a healthy person is not a self-centered way to live.

When you consider how you function with your abusers, the first thing to understand is that this is YOUR decision and no one else’s. It’s okay to listen to differing viewpoints, but in the end, no one can decide this for you. You’re the only one who must weigh out all aspects of these kinds of relationships, because you are most likely the one who will pay the highest price for your decision.

I’d like to suggest a few boundaries that I believe you have the right to assert and enforce. Take some time to think these through and determine what is best for your journey beyond abuse:

1. You have the right to determine if and when your body is touched (1 Corinthians 6:19, New Testament Bible).
2. You have the right to remove yourself from a person or situation when you feel degraded, devalued, or in danger (Matthew 7:6, New Testament Bible).
3. You have the right and responsibility to protect children and vulnerable people from being abused (Matthew 18:6; Mark 9:42; Luke 17:2, New Testament Bible).
4. You have the right to withhold sharing your intimate thoughts, feelings, and beliefs if they will not be honored and respected (Matthew 7:6).
5. You are no longer that child-victim. You are an adult (1 Corinthians 13:11, New Testament Bible).
6. You have the right to live like an adult instead of a dependent, weak, helpless child (1 Corinthians 14:20, New Testament Bible).
7. You have the right to use your voice – to express your ideas and needs – in a way that will honor God in an empowered and safe manner (1 Timothy 2:1, New Testament Bible).
8. You have the right to say “NO!” and “STOP!” (Proverbs 2:11, Hebrew Bible).
9. You have the right to live your life in such a way as to reflect the beauty and dignity of God (1 Peter 2:12, New Testament Bible).
10. You have the responsibility to give things that are sacred and precious ONLY to those who understand, cherish, and respect their value and respect you (Matthew 7:6, New Testament Bible).

Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.

-Will Rogers

I have a good friend who was sexually abused as a child in a basement.  Not just any basement, but the basement of a religious organization where she now works as a mentor.  For years, she was unable to even think about going down in that basement without a panic attack. She would get dizzy and struggle to breathe, just by thinking about walking down those stairs.

My friend’s passion is teaching, and an opportunity opened up with this organization to teach non-literate persons how to read and write. Her deepest longings had come true. There was only one catch. The classrooms are in THE basement. But she came to a point where she recognized that the basement needed to be conquered in order for her to move forward with her life’s work. And so, she prepared.

She spent several weeks intentionally rehearsing the truth: “It’s just a basement.  It’s not my abuse or my abusers. It’s just a basement.”  It took awhile for that truth to sink in, but sink-in it did, and she was ready.  She enlisted the help of friends, gathered symbols and Scriptures that were meaningful to her, and descended down those stairs.

The first step. The second. The third. No panic! The landing . . . more stairs . . . the basement floor . . . no panic! Slowly, she walked throughout that basement. She entered the rooms where she had been so deeply scarred and with each door that opened, she said, “It’s just a basement . . . It’s just a bathroom . . . It’s just a utility closet . . . It’s just a classroom.”

She went to the most important room of all in that basement:  the room where she would teach. For a long time she sat with that room, reading Scriptures, listening to music, lighting incense, and offering prayers. And not once did that basement conquer her. She conquered it! Because . . . well . . . it was just a basement.

Abuse recovery is about reclamation. The journey is long and difficult and will, at some point, include the deep longing to take back what was hijacked by your abusers. Whether it was your faith or the city park, your dorm room or Christmas, at some point, you get tired of taking the long way around and know that it’s time to reclaim spaces, customs, and faith as your own.

Like my friend, there is a time to do this. At first, she wanted nothing to do with the organization at all, but circumstances dissolved that resistance and she found herself right back where her abuse began, loving her work and the people she serves. Then she wanted absolutely nothing to do with that basement and NOTHING could make her go down there . . . except the absolute frustration and sorrow that it was keeping her from fulfilling her deepest desire to teach.

One step at a time, think about what spaces and customs have been stolen from you. Don’t let ANYONE force you to confront these until you’re ready. At the same time, examine the price you are paying for the actions of your abusers. There may come a time when you determine that avoiding that space or not participating in that practice has become too cumbersome. When you feel that loss and become frustrated by how it hinders you, then you know it’s time to walk to it and through it.

1. Once you determine that you’re ready to reclaim it, then make a plan. This isn’t meant to be spontaneous. It’s deliberate and intentional.
2. Take some time to enlist the support and prayer of others.
3. Consider inviting one or two people to accompany you to that space or participate with you in that practice.
4. Select Scriptures, poetry, story, and song that comfort and inspire you.
5. Consider taking icons with you that you can hold to remind you of your resolve – such as a cross or a photo, a stuffed toy or a butterfly wing . . . something tangible that is meaningful to you and that represents redemption and reclamation.
6. Consider burning incense or lighting a candle if that’s permissible and safe, and visualize your spirit and your prayers going up to God and returning to you as strength and comfort.
7. Be sure to speak to these spaces. Remember it was not the space that harmed you, it was the abuser. It wasn’t the custom or practice that harmed you, it was the abuser. This is the truth you can arm yourself with as you reclaim what is yours.
8. Finally, rejoice! To reclaim what has been hijacked is an enormous accomplishment in your journey beyond abuse! Celebrate! Share the good news with people you care about. This accomplishes two things: It solidifies the courage and strength you have and it builds up the courage and strength of others. Thank God for this great triumph and pat yourself on the back for this substantial achievement.

Whether it’s walking into a basement or a barn, lighting a candle or joining the choir, the spaces and practices that you connect to your abuse were hijacked by your abusers. Abuse recovery – in your time and in your way – can include reclaiming these as yours to do with as you deem appropriate for your well-being. And may I add that when you do, somewhere, somehow . . . abuse survivors all over the world grow a little bit stronger by your courage and tenacity.

It’s just a basement.